oh wow; its been a while (:

Honestly, I completely forgot about my blog. Between school and job hunting there wasn't really any time. This is why I am writing this at 12:30 on a saturday night. :P

School started monday. What a load of fun that was. Note the sarcasm. High school is never fun, let alone being in a new school for your senior year. My classes are pretty cool. First I have government/econ. Let me tell you, my teacher is a government nazi. If you don't do things his way, you don't get credit. We have to put the title of the notes or homework at the top on the left and the date at the top right. The title has to be highlighted and the whole thing needs to be in question and answer format. Crazy, I know. Second period, I have computer programming where I have to walk all the way across a huge campus to get to. The teacher is pretty chill and I like computers so I think I'll have a fun time in this class. Plus, I sit beside complete stoners and behind this really cute senior with a deep voice. :P I think I'll get along just fine in this class. (: Third, I have spanish two. This is an okay class. I have lunch this period and sit with this guy named Matt and every other day with this girl named Kathrine. Funny part about this class, my teacher is a white lady from Clemson. :P Imagine learning spanish from a country chick. I think it's hilarious. But I really like my teacher so no hating on me making fun of her. :P Finally, I have my favorite class of the day: English four. It's not my favorite because of the subject, but because of the people in it. I sit beside this buff black football player from Jersey named Nate and this really funny girl named Christy. Together, we're cracking up the whole class. Another plus, cute skater boy across the room that sparks my yellow fever. (;

So far, I like school. I thought I would hate it, because I loved New Jersey, but it seems okay. I doubt I'm going to get my asian, or any other guy for that matter, but I'm okay with that. (: I'm looking forward to just ending this year with a bang and then going to whatever college that accepts me. (:

On another note, I went to the pool today to get some sun since I am unbelieveably pale for a half Puerto Rican, and my face got burnt even though there was no sun outside. :/ I got tanner but still am burnt on my face. I'm hoping to go out again tomorrow and take full advantage of this pool in my apartment complex after I go food shopping with my dad. (:

Other other note, I feel like I am finally happy. After six years of being an emotionless shell of a person, I feel like I finally have some happiness and good feelings. Yes, I need a job and my license, but those are things I can get by without. I'm finally done with family drama, guys who could care less about my feelings, trying to figure out what my feelings are, and any other drama that was in my life. I'm finally starting to be a teenage girl.

Other other other note, I got a camera! (: haha It's my early birthday present. It's a Nikon Coolpix L22. Not exactly the camera I was expecting/wanting, but I love it all the same. Maybe my love for photography will finally take off into something. I've been taking pictures left and right when I can and can't wait to see how they actually turn out.

Other other other other note, I'm exhausted and need a well deserved sleep. Being a female high school senior with as much drama as a soap opera its exhausting! (;

Love and sweet dreams,
Ashley (:

i honestly dont know why im doing this at 1:30 in the morning.

Song I'm currently listening to: Disconnected by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I haven't done one of these in a while, so I felt that I kinda owed one.

(This picture is one of my favorites, though I am a Mets fan.)

Today/last night was uneventful as always. Besides the fight my dad and I had (again) at the dinner table. I was another family meal, where everyone was sitting at the table and we were talking about the loan for college that my brother was just granted. My dad then said that he would sign for one for me as well and then he had to ruin it by saying "but I won't as long as you keep wanting to-" and I cut him off with a sharp "I don't want to hear it" he kept going on and I just got up from the table and cleared my plate into the trash and went into my room. This is a constant battle that my father and I have that is never going to be resolved until I actually go to college and get away from this hell hole.

Another thing. I was told that "New Jersey corrupted you. You spent too much time with those hoity-toity people" by my dad earlier because I preferred the book store over the library. I'm sorry for actually wanting to keep the book that I'm reading.

He just pisses me off all the time. People say that I'm going to regret saying it when I'm older, but honestly I don't think so. My brother is twenty one years old and still has resentment towards my father. It's like it pleases him that people are pissed off at him but he acts like they have undying love for him.


Off my resentment towards my father, schools starting soon. On the nineteenth I have to go to this orientation for new kids. The counselor told me that the school has over a hundred new transfers. Not freshman, but people who are in high school but moving to this school. That's crazy. She also told me that this school wasn't filled with a lot of people. So that's good. My old school was filled with people, my claustrophobia kicked in a lot. I hated being in the hallways. Let's hope here its different.
I'm back on the block schedule at this school, which puts all my plans to switch back to my old school down the tubes. I hate the block schedule. I cant sit still for forty five minutes let alone ninety. But whatever. New year, new me.

I tried dying my hair to get rid of all the streaks that the old color left, and got most of them out besides a few on my bangs and honestly I like it. (: Anyways, if I dye my hair anymore, it's going to be darker than the computer I'm typing on. (which is a black compaq presario. :P)

I think I should go to bed now seeing as its already one thirty and I went to bed at three last night and my dad keeps getting on me for sleeping past twelve. :P

Peace, love, and whatever gets you going through the day,
Ashley/Carolynah (:

i honestly don't know what to title this.

So, today I went and registered for my new school. Finally. Then we went to Walmart Eye Center to get an appointment for me to get contacts which is at eleven freaking thirty tomorrow morning. I'm not even up at that time regularly. We then went to Best Buy to get a wireless printer and I got shot down, yet again, for a new camera. Then when I got home I got into yet another fight with my dad about my computer and how nothing opens up and he said I needed to download this new virus software that he bought, but there was one problem: my computer wouldn't open the software to download it. He got mad saying that I needed to delete all the stuff that I don't use on my computer but I argued with him that my computer won't let me open the software to delete stuff off my computer. He yelled at me and asked for the CD saying that I better get a job if I want my computer to be fixed. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Earlier today I had the intense craving for Tyson chicken nuggets so when Matt (my brother) came into my room (I still cant believe I actually have one! (:)asking if I wanted to go to Walmart, I just had to go. :P So while I was watching Psych with my family, I got to casually munch on some tasty chicken nuggets. (:


In other news, I've been trying to write a book for a while. Most people know this. I've started two (with two completely ideas) and I have the idea for another one in my head. I just can't seem to get my ideas straight. That's why my fanfiction has gone untouched for who knows how long. I keep trying to write another chapter and I can't get the words down to form my ideas. This is really bothering me. All my life I've been a writer. Though most of my stories aren't well written, it was something that made me happy when I was upset. So, you can understand why this upsets me. But I think I'm back! I'm going to start a new story on my fanfiction, I'ts not going to be like my other one, but I think I, and my followers are going to like it. I'm starting the first page now and I'll see where it goes.


Peace and Love,
Ashley/Carolina (:

Void. Void of emotion. Void of thought. Void of everything.

I have just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I honestly don't know how to feel. This is my second time reading it and I think this time I came out much more affected. I honestly don't know what to feel at this time. This is a story that has affected my life for the past twelve years. I have followed this story from the beginning and as I attempted to put this amazing book in the box I am currently storing all my other books in, it felt like it didn't belong there, like it should be somewhere else. This book is a symbol of my childhood, as it is I assume, for many others. My father and I would have the tradition of going and seeing every movie that came out on my birthday, seeing as it is in November. This tradition was passed on to my now best friend. We went and saw the Halfblood Prince for my seventeenth birthday at midnight on its premiere, because that would be the time that I could legally do magic.

This story has not only captivated my heart, but many others. Children, adults, muggles, and even wizards have enjoyed the heroic attempts of one Harry Potter. The tale of one young boy, whom has had nothing, overcame everything, even death.

It upsets me to know that this tale is over. But it makes me happy to know that I can pass this on to my children, that is if I have any. This can be passed down through generations just like Harry's cloak was passed on from his father. I will, with great pleasure, pass this story down through my many generations. (:

Does this really need a title? (:

It doesn't hurt
But when I think of you
And all the things we'll
Never get to do
I don't dream at night about the way we were
I tore out the pictures, cross out all the words

Don't be fooled by all my tears,
Cause everything is fine
And you can pick up all the pieces
That you left behind

Cause I never think about you
I'm better off without you
I don't miss you at all
I don't miss you at all
You don't spin around in my head
It's like you never existed
And I hope you don't call
I don't miss you at all
And I'm not trying to fight it
No, I'm not trying to fight it
So you can cross my name right
off the wall
I don't miss you at all

I go out seven nights a week
It feels so good to finally be free
And I party like I never did before
Oh, what in the world was I waiting for?
Everything is perfect now
Without you in my life
You could pick up all the pieces
that you left behind

Cause I never think about you
I'm better off without you
I don't miss you at all
I don't miss you at all
You don't spin around in my head
It's like you never existed
And I hope you don't call
I don't miss you at all
And I'm not trying to fight it
No, I'm not trying to fight it
So you can cross my name right
off the wall
I don't miss you at all
I don't miss you at all

I'll just tell myself
Girl forget the past
No time for regrets
No more looking back
I'll forget you more
Every single day
Every step I take
Is getting better.

I Don't Miss You At All by Selena Gomez

^I was listening to this song today as I was doing the dishes and it hit me that this was the perfect song to describe what I'm going through. After I posted that other blog about me giving up that boy, I actually slept well that night. And if you really knew me, that's something that's not a common occurrence. But anyways, it really hit me. I don't miss him as much as I thought I would. It's more like I'm going to miss the fun times that we had as friends more. I really like this more independent me. It gives me a new perspective on life. I'm not constantly comparing every guy I see to him, I'm actually seeing them for who they are. Though, most of the guys I do tend to check out are exactly like him, but that's besides the point. That's the type of guy I like, and I've liked them before I met him. I just thought I'd share this revelation with you guys before I went to bed and forgot it. (:

College.

The word means many options for many graduating seniors. Well, not for this senior. Most students have a whole list of colleges that they want to go to and apply to. I sadly, don't have that option. With financial problems in my family, there's only a select colleges that I can actually afford to go to. Most of those being community colleges. The first choice I want to go to is Montclair State in Montclair, New Jersey. But sadly, there is no way I am going to this college. Yes, I can get in with my grades, but seeing as how I live with a stubborn-as-hell father there is no way of me actually attending this school. You see, my dad has some sort of grudge against the state in general. Why, I can't seem to understand. Every time he says "that state sucks" and I ask exactly how he simply replies "it just does." So, when I told him that my number one school, one that I can actually get into with my grades and low SAT score (I have a 3.49 GPA but sadly got a 1510 on my SAT, coincidentally being my fathers fault because we got into a fight right before my SAT), he told me "good luck getting in without financial aid because I'm not signing for anything that has to do with that state." He wants me to go to Coastal Carolina College which is right here in the state I didn't want to move to in the first place, so why would I want to go to a college there? I don't see this as fair. This is the only college I feel that I could really fit in at, and the one I feel that I can actually learn at. Plus, its in the one place that I actually felt at home in; New Jersey. So, why shouldn't I be able to go to the college I want? Why shouldn't I be allowed to be happy? This doesn't make sense and it makes me utterly sad to know that I won't get the kind of support that most high school seniors get from their parents.