sweet jesus, i feel horrible.

i really do, but thats no excuse. honestly, i dont feel like writing anymore. i dont know what's happened to me. before, writing seemed like such an escape from the real world; and i started this blog to do so. but look where its gotten. life has been hectic so i guess with all that time consumption, i had no time to write. which breaks my heart, more than the guys in my past have.

this time i PROMISE i will write more. i WILL TRY to write every day, but i cant make promises. though not many people read it, it still means a lot to me. so go ahead, read on my lovely friends. read and write your own blog. do what makes you happy.

love and the taste of apple juice fresh out of the carton,

carolynah. (:

so i was going to post a video of my brother singing for you to enjoy (laugh hysterically at) but it wouldnt upload. so youll have to settle for a cute picture. (:

i call it cute toasties. (:

soooo......

this here blog of mine is pointless. i feel horrible for not posting on it in forever. i feel like i should delete it, but i cant get myself to do so. this blog will always be a part of me, even though i haven't posted on it in months.

a lot has happened between my last post and this one. and when i say a lot, i mean A LOT. too much to sum up in one post. im going to try updating as best as i can, event though nobody but a few people actually read this thing. it doesn't really matter to me though. i started it to simply get my ideas down on the web. a place where people can see me for who i am, and not the girl that im pretending to be in my everyday life.

well, its nine thirty on a friday night. so im going to jump into a hot shower and relax, seeing as i have two major projects due on the twenty third that i haven't even started. :P

live long and prosper my friends.

<3 carolynah.

i have no excuse.

I have completely forgotten about this blog and I feel horrible. My computer got a virus and I sent it to my friends dad to get it fixed and when I got it back I had to download google chrome because firefox wouldn't work and this was saved as a bookmark in firefox. Anyways, enough excuses. Time to get down to business.

My life in a nutshell right now? Crazy. I was running back and forth because of drama (the club kind) and it was hectic. I had two rehearsals every day till seven after school. The first was for Voices of the Titanic and the second was for Steel Magnolias which we took to Spartanburg for competition. Now that I'm done with that, I have a little more time on my hands.

I also have college stuff to worry about. My application for

University of South Carolina is due the first of December, and since money is tight, I have to wait till that exact day to submit it. Funny thing is, they didn't ask for an essay. Weird right? Also, my dad and I got into a fight because he said that he sees no reason on paying for the application when I can't go there anyways since we can't afford it. That launched a big argument like always.

One word; JOB. That dreadful thing that every high school student is looking for. I need to get one, but I have no time to look for one. My dad is always telling me I need to get one, but he also tells me he can't take me anywhere starting in January because he has to work. That man always contradicts himself.

School. It sucks. One thing that gets me through THAT day is my friends. I always go to school with a smile on my face because they are there. Especially Shannon; aka: starkidshannon. (: (i suggest you see A Very Potter Musical if you wanna understand that. :P) She is hilarious.

So theres this boy; and he makes me smile all the time (:. I'm not go

ing to name names right now, but he's adorable and I see us going somewhere. We talk everyday and conversation is just easy around us. I'm not shy or anything like I normally am when I'm around guys. (: It's like hes a friend, that I am romantically connected with, which is what most people look for in a relationship. Who knew the girl who said she doesn't want a relationship, is actually hoping this will become one? (:

What else can I tell you? Theres the fact that I got my license (:. I drive to school most of the time, except the days my dad has to work. I can't wait till May when I can start driving full ti

me. Also, my birthday is in five days! I can vote, get into a club, play the lottery, smoke, buy and star in porn. :P haha. Oh! I can also now buy things on those infomercials. (: You know? Those commercials that say "You must be eighteen or older to call"? Yep. I can call now (:. I'm also a year past being allowed to do magic. Do you know how happy that makes me?! haha. Well, that's all that I can think of so why don't I grace you with a picture? (:

(isn't that hilarious? If you can't read the caption it says "What kind of name is Phoebe Cho?")

Peace, Love, and those random things you find in your pocket,

Ashley (:

oh wow; its been a while (:

Honestly, I completely forgot about my blog. Between school and job hunting there wasn't really any time. This is why I am writing this at 12:30 on a saturday night. :P

School started monday. What a load of fun that was. Note the sarcasm. High school is never fun, let alone being in a new school for your senior year. My classes are pretty cool. First I have government/econ. Let me tell you, my teacher is a government nazi. If you don't do things his way, you don't get credit. We have to put the title of the notes or homework at the top on the left and the date at the top right. The title has to be highlighted and the whole thing needs to be in question and answer format. Crazy, I know. Second period, I have computer programming where I have to walk all the way across a huge campus to get to. The teacher is pretty chill and I like computers so I think I'll have a fun time in this class. Plus, I sit beside complete stoners and behind this really cute senior with a deep voice. :P I think I'll get along just fine in this class. (: Third, I have spanish two. This is an okay class. I have lunch this period and sit with this guy named Matt and every other day with this girl named Kathrine. Funny part about this class, my teacher is a white lady from Clemson. :P Imagine learning spanish from a country chick. I think it's hilarious. But I really like my teacher so no hating on me making fun of her. :P Finally, I have my favorite class of the day: English four. It's not my favorite because of the subject, but because of the people in it. I sit beside this buff black football player from Jersey named Nate and this really funny girl named Christy. Together, we're cracking up the whole class. Another plus, cute skater boy across the room that sparks my yellow fever. (;

So far, I like school. I thought I would hate it, because I loved New Jersey, but it seems okay. I doubt I'm going to get my asian, or any other guy for that matter, but I'm okay with that. (: I'm looking forward to just ending this year with a bang and then going to whatever college that accepts me. (:

On another note, I went to the pool today to get some sun since I am unbelieveably pale for a half Puerto Rican, and my face got burnt even though there was no sun outside. :/ I got tanner but still am burnt on my face. I'm hoping to go out again tomorrow and take full advantage of this pool in my apartment complex after I go food shopping with my dad. (:

Other other note, I feel like I am finally happy. After six years of being an emotionless shell of a person, I feel like I finally have some happiness and good feelings. Yes, I need a job and my license, but those are things I can get by without. I'm finally done with family drama, guys who could care less about my feelings, trying to figure out what my feelings are, and any other drama that was in my life. I'm finally starting to be a teenage girl.

Other other other note, I got a camera! (: haha It's my early birthday present. It's a Nikon Coolpix L22. Not exactly the camera I was expecting/wanting, but I love it all the same. Maybe my love for photography will finally take off into something. I've been taking pictures left and right when I can and can't wait to see how they actually turn out.

Other other other other note, I'm exhausted and need a well deserved sleep. Being a female high school senior with as much drama as a soap opera its exhausting! (;

Love and sweet dreams,
Ashley (:

i honestly dont know why im doing this at 1:30 in the morning.

Song I'm currently listening to: Disconnected by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

I haven't done one of these in a while, so I felt that I kinda owed one.

(This picture is one of my favorites, though I am a Mets fan.)

Today/last night was uneventful as always. Besides the fight my dad and I had (again) at the dinner table. I was another family meal, where everyone was sitting at the table and we were talking about the loan for college that my brother was just granted. My dad then said that he would sign for one for me as well and then he had to ruin it by saying "but I won't as long as you keep wanting to-" and I cut him off with a sharp "I don't want to hear it" he kept going on and I just got up from the table and cleared my plate into the trash and went into my room. This is a constant battle that my father and I have that is never going to be resolved until I actually go to college and get away from this hell hole.

Another thing. I was told that "New Jersey corrupted you. You spent too much time with those hoity-toity people" by my dad earlier because I preferred the book store over the library. I'm sorry for actually wanting to keep the book that I'm reading.

He just pisses me off all the time. People say that I'm going to regret saying it when I'm older, but honestly I don't think so. My brother is twenty one years old and still has resentment towards my father. It's like it pleases him that people are pissed off at him but he acts like they have undying love for him.


Off my resentment towards my father, schools starting soon. On the nineteenth I have to go to this orientation for new kids. The counselor told me that the school has over a hundred new transfers. Not freshman, but people who are in high school but moving to this school. That's crazy. She also told me that this school wasn't filled with a lot of people. So that's good. My old school was filled with people, my claustrophobia kicked in a lot. I hated being in the hallways. Let's hope here its different.
I'm back on the block schedule at this school, which puts all my plans to switch back to my old school down the tubes. I hate the block schedule. I cant sit still for forty five minutes let alone ninety. But whatever. New year, new me.

I tried dying my hair to get rid of all the streaks that the old color left, and got most of them out besides a few on my bangs and honestly I like it. (: Anyways, if I dye my hair anymore, it's going to be darker than the computer I'm typing on. (which is a black compaq presario. :P)

I think I should go to bed now seeing as its already one thirty and I went to bed at three last night and my dad keeps getting on me for sleeping past twelve. :P

Peace, love, and whatever gets you going through the day,
Ashley/Carolynah (:

i honestly don't know what to title this.

So, today I went and registered for my new school. Finally. Then we went to Walmart Eye Center to get an appointment for me to get contacts which is at eleven freaking thirty tomorrow morning. I'm not even up at that time regularly. We then went to Best Buy to get a wireless printer and I got shot down, yet again, for a new camera. Then when I got home I got into yet another fight with my dad about my computer and how nothing opens up and he said I needed to download this new virus software that he bought, but there was one problem: my computer wouldn't open the software to download it. He got mad saying that I needed to delete all the stuff that I don't use on my computer but I argued with him that my computer won't let me open the software to delete stuff off my computer. He yelled at me and asked for the CD saying that I better get a job if I want my computer to be fixed. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Earlier today I had the intense craving for Tyson chicken nuggets so when Matt (my brother) came into my room (I still cant believe I actually have one! (:)asking if I wanted to go to Walmart, I just had to go. :P So while I was watching Psych with my family, I got to casually munch on some tasty chicken nuggets. (:


In other news, I've been trying to write a book for a while. Most people know this. I've started two (with two completely ideas) and I have the idea for another one in my head. I just can't seem to get my ideas straight. That's why my fanfiction has gone untouched for who knows how long. I keep trying to write another chapter and I can't get the words down to form my ideas. This is really bothering me. All my life I've been a writer. Though most of my stories aren't well written, it was something that made me happy when I was upset. So, you can understand why this upsets me. But I think I'm back! I'm going to start a new story on my fanfiction, I'ts not going to be like my other one, but I think I, and my followers are going to like it. I'm starting the first page now and I'll see where it goes.


Peace and Love,
Ashley/Carolina (:

Void. Void of emotion. Void of thought. Void of everything.

I have just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and I honestly don't know how to feel. This is my second time reading it and I think this time I came out much more affected. I honestly don't know what to feel at this time. This is a story that has affected my life for the past twelve years. I have followed this story from the beginning and as I attempted to put this amazing book in the box I am currently storing all my other books in, it felt like it didn't belong there, like it should be somewhere else. This book is a symbol of my childhood, as it is I assume, for many others. My father and I would have the tradition of going and seeing every movie that came out on my birthday, seeing as it is in November. This tradition was passed on to my now best friend. We went and saw the Halfblood Prince for my seventeenth birthday at midnight on its premiere, because that would be the time that I could legally do magic.

This story has not only captivated my heart, but many others. Children, adults, muggles, and even wizards have enjoyed the heroic attempts of one Harry Potter. The tale of one young boy, whom has had nothing, overcame everything, even death.

It upsets me to know that this tale is over. But it makes me happy to know that I can pass this on to my children, that is if I have any. This can be passed down through generations just like Harry's cloak was passed on from his father. I will, with great pleasure, pass this story down through my many generations. (: